I’m not sure if this is the best medium for this, but I need
to get my feelings out to people. I know I have a lot of friends who are also
friends with my ex, which may get weird. But I don’t really care and just want
people to know my experience and I need to get this out in the open because
maybe I’ll feel less like a jerk if people knew what I have been through.
The last 9 months of my life have been a roller coaster. I
dated a boy who treated me pretty poorly and it was a rare occasion when I didn’t
cry at least once a week because of the things he said to me. I tried to stick
through all of it, but in the end, I really couldn’t handle it.
I got really tired of driving 3 hours to Greeley and then
another 3 hours back to Pueblo every time I wanted to see him. It was a one-way
transportation situation and that was rough. While I was sympathetic with his
lack of transportation, I was bitter about having to drive all the time.
I was irritated that after a year of dating, he still knew
so little about me. He didn’t know when my birthday was, favorite color, and
other general things that you should know about your significant other. I was frustrated
that I made an effort to participate in his interest. I went to a hockey game
(I hate hockey, you guys. HATE IT), watch his movies, tv shows, etc. while he
refused to watch my movies, eat at new restaurants that I wanted to go to. I
know it sounds so picky and little, but it hurt me.
The real problems came in January. After much thought, I had
decided that I didn’t want to have kids. I want to be able to have my freedom
and do what I want to do and focus on my career. Kids are not for me. I respect
his decision to want kids, I really do. But the way he handled me feelings was
the worst. He belittled my opinions on how difficult it is to raise a child and
in the end said that I was going to be one of those people who was married to
my career. Considering I took off several days of work so I could see him, this
hurt me so much. My family is so important to me and I would never put my
career before the people I love.
After months of depression regarding my relationship, I even
went to therapy to try to improve it. But it didn’t help. I realized that most
of my problems were because of my relationship. So I chose to end it. It was a
hard decision. But in the end, I know it needed to happen. I did not need to be
possessed by someone who said, “Your goodies are only mine to see.” My body is
not a possession of anyone.
Now that it’s been a while, I can look back at the last year
and a half and know that I should have ended it sooner because of how I felt.
When someone treats you poorly, you should get away from them. I need to push
past this experience.
As weird as it is, I needed to delete him off of Facebook,
Twitter, Instagram, remove his phone number from my phone, and untag him from
my pictures. It may be immature and overreacting, but whatevs. And I know it
seems immature to spill this out into the open, but it’s how I needed to cope.
Judge if you will, but I’m already feeling better. I need to move on from this experience and onto a happier, healthier place. I hope that you all will understand that this post isn't out of spite, but out of slight grief/
