The Trouble with Flirtation
I know I've written a blog about this before, but hey, here's another one.
I had a conversation with my father recently (Hi Dad. Love you.) about how much I hate men hitting on me. He was very confused by this and I believe many other people (mostly men) are confused about this too.
So I'm gonna lay it out for y'all. Explain why I, and many other women, dislike being hit on by men in many places and in many ways.
There are many problems with men hitting on women.
It is not a compliment and it makes me feel really uncomfortable.
Why though? Why do women dislike being told they are good looking and that a man totally sees you as a possible sex partner?
1) Not all women like men.
Men assume that all women are straight and that they are attracted to him. Eww. Not all women are into guys, so you shouldn't assume they are.
2) My presence in public doesn't give you permission to hit on me.
"Oh a woman who is in public! I shall hit on her." No. Stop. Women want to navigate the public sphere safely and easily without barriers and men hitting on them is a barrier.
When you hit on us in public spaces when we are just trying to go about our everyday lives, you assume that you are more important than what we are doing. If I'm going to get food, I really don't want to stop and talk to you because you think I'm hot. I want my food. Because food is better than men. Our time is precious and we really don't want to waste it on you.
Also, men are scary. All men have a capability to hurt women. Yes, #NotAllMen (Stupid hashtag) but all men can hurt women. So we have a right to be wary of you. So don't be upset at us when we don't want to be approached by you, especially when we are alone.
3) Saying "No" is frequently not an option.
We have been taught to be polite and not shoot down flirtation. We have been told to giggle even though we are really uncomfortable. I didn't ask you to come on over and talk to me. I didn't ask you to buy me a drink. I didn't ask you how my breasts looked in that dress. But you're still gonna continue to force me to interact with you.
And when we have the strength to say "no" or even to ignore you, this happens.
(Online examples, but this happens in public too.)
4) Men think they can do whatever they want
When we tell women to take getting hit on as a compliment, men think that they can get away with anything. That anything they say or do to women is acceptable and appreciated.
5) Personal examples
I was walking to the gym and a stranger who I couldn't see shouted, "Show me your boobs!" Eww. No.
After going on a date with a dude, he continued to text me and I told him that I wasn't interested. So he called me and told me that I was a "bitch." Cool.
Some dude interrupted my workout twice. TWICE. Because he wanted to talk about the book I was reading. Dude, I'm in the zone, getting ripped. Don't interrupt me.
While at a bar, a man approached me and asked if I wanted to dance. I told him that I didn't want to dance and he continued to ask me. So I ignored him. He stood there for probably three minutes before he decided to leave. Thank gosh...
I don't hate men, although it may seem that way. I hate misogynists.
What it comes down to is that if a person isn't indicating that they want to be approached by you, don't approach them and don't hit on them. And if you you do hit on them and she tells you "no" you effing respect that.
