New Year's Resolutions that You've Already Failed At

New Year's Resolutions that You've Already Failed At

1) Lose Weight/Get in Shape

By now, you've realized that dieting and going to the gym suck. Like they are terrible. Yes, I want dessert. This salad sucks. I'd rather lay in bed and watch Netflix all day than spend two hours on the treadmill. But it's never too late to start turning your life around. I keep going to the gym. I hate it. So you can keep failing at it until you succeed at it. Woo.

2) Save Money

I once tried to save money. Then I realized that I like to shop and I need that scarf. And that nail polish. And sure, I need another bottle of concealer, even though I have 12 at home.

Right now, your bank account probably looks really sad. Probably because you just paid for tuition and books and life and yeah.

3) Drink Less

Alcohol is full of empty calories. But it's so good. But hey, if you're on the verge of being an alcoholic, you should probably not fail at this one.

4) Talk to your Parents More

Parents are great. They raised you and are probably still raising you, because they are your parents. So wouldn't it be nice to talk to them more? At first, you call them once or twice a week, then you realize that your and their lives are really boring. And then you don't want to talk to them. And they ask you about when you're getting married, why you're single, and when you're moving closer to home. So that's uncomfortable.

5) Read more

John Green is God. But once you read all of his books, what else is there to read? You've read Harry Potter, so that's like it. Harry Potter and John Green. Everything is terrible and you realize that once you start reading again. And reading takes so much time and effort. And I'm good at reading, but what is that word?!!!!!