How To Not Have a Balanced Life

How To Not Have a Balanced Life

1) Drink a lot. And I'm not talking about water.

You're gonna fall down a lot and that's always fun. And be really thirsty, which means you can drink more. And make questionable decisions, which leads to amazing stories. And spend a lot of money on booze, so you'll be able to relate to the 99%.

2) Push yourself to the point of exhaustion.

This is pretty much Res Life's motto. Keep pushing yourself until you collapse from exhaustion, start crying randomly for no reason, and/or sleep at your desk.

3) Have no friends outside of your job.

If you go out to eat, make sure you talk about your work all the time. With the people you work with. They understand what you are going through and it's important to not give yourself a break from thinking about work. If you have no non-work friends, you won't have to learn how to get to know people outside of teambuilders and icebreakers.

4) Stay on-campus all the time.

If your job is to live on-campus, you should stay there all the time. Leaving the place you live and work is just not okay and it's scary. You should always think about work when you go home. And if you go off-campus (especially for a day), you're really bad at your job.

5) Eat whatever you want.

Healthy food sucks. You only live once, so stuff your face with whatever you want. Deep fried oreos? Yum. Frozen pizza for dinner every night? Do it.

Celebrities with Good and Bad Plastic Surgery

I'm all for people getting plastic surgery to look better. Some of you know that I had my nose done, so duh, of course I support it. I think it's safe to say that a good chunk of celebrities have had plastic surgery. Some of them look super duper awesome and natural. But many of them look really bad. Like really bad. Enjoy the list.

Good:

Blake Lively

Blake had her nose done and she looks pretty fab now. I mean, she snatched up Ryan Reynolds so....

Ashley Tisdale

Again with the nose (I'm sensing a theme)

Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer says that she just had her deviated septum fixed but....

George Clooney

Georgie boy said that he got surgery to make his eyes look more awake.

Patrick Dempsey

McDreamy himself made himself more dreamy with a nose job. Errybody getting nose jobs.

Bad:

Pamela Anderson

Why is this necessary, Pam?

Mickey Rourke

Back in the day, Mickey was one of the best looking fellows out there. Then he did that to his face.

Lil' Kim

So, she may be addicted to plastic surgery. Which really isn't funny, but here you go.

Barry Manilow

Just no.

Joan Rivers

The queen of making fun of others probably lacks some self-esteem, which is kind of sad.

Michael Jackson

Of course I have to include to King of Pop/Creep.

Some Embarrassing Moments

Most people know that I am one of the most embarassing people ever.

So I thought that I would share of my most embarrassing moments of my life with you all. You're welcome.

1. When I was a freshman in high school, I had fruit loops for breakfast. I am sitting in my first period math class and I start to get really nauseous. I begin to sweat pretty visibly. It was very attractive. Instead of getting up and going to bathroom like a normal person, I just sat there. And audibly gagged. Everyone in the class looked at me as I ran away, hiding in the bathroom. I went home that day. And threw up rainbows.
2. Fifth grade was an interesting year for me. I got sick a lot. And I was obsessed with Genghis Khan too. So that made me really cool. For a class project, we got to make historical puppets and then do a puppet show with them. In Art, we made the puppets. It was then that I realized that I am hopeless with crafts. I burned myself on the hot glue gun like no one's business. But I finished Mr. Khan. He looked pretty sweet. Had a lot of yarn hair. Well, the performance night came and I was supes sick. I had lost my voice but I was determined to perform. So we start the little Hun play and it gets to my first line. I try to speak but what came out sounded more like "ABEJALKFAL." Everyone laughed. I got sad. Y'all are rude.
3. This one is real gross. So you can skip it if you want. Once, I pooped myself. At a pool. On a diving board. Don't worry, I was a child. I'm not that gross.
4. I am really shy. Yeah, you don't think so. But I am. In 8th grade, I was the only one who tried out for a choir solo, so I got it. Boom. Magic. At the choir concert, it was my solo and I stepped to the front of the stage and forgot the words. Worst part was that it was for Newsies and I frickin' love the Newsies. So that was great.
5. When I cheered for DC Dolphins, we had a game at some field in Founders. Well, I didn't know it, but I had stepped in dog poo. Everyone was all, "What is that smell? Ewww." I had no idea that it was coming from the crap on my shoe. My life.
6. My last story of this blog will be a boring one. Again, you're welcome. In 9th grade, I had a really cool foot surgery. A chunk of bone was removed from my big toe. Holler. So I am crutching around school, my crutch slipped out from under me (because it was, you know, snowy) and I ate it. Smacked my foot on the floor. Some butt face girls behind me laughed. Shoulda smacked them with my crutches. I cried. And that was it. Spent a few days in a wheelchair because I hated my life.

My life is so weird.